English to Chinese Art/Literary Poetry & Literature

live vicariously through other loving eyes
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Following our visit, she packed up her happy team and returned to her nanny-free home like Superwoman. She had such ease with her kids and seemed to be so connected to them. She did say it wasn’t always easy but that in the big picture, it was such a joyful experience. My own picture was getting uglier and uglier, and each time someone left, I felt my eyesight narrow. You know how, just before fainting, your peripheral vision starts to darken and the sound in the room gets muffled? I felt that way every time a visitor left my apartment. I began to fear time without distraction. My girlfriend Lyda, who had been in the room for Rowan’s birth, came over and brought Rowan a beautiful letter she had written to welcome her into the world. I wished I had written the letter but would once again have to "live vicariously through other loving eyes." Lyda again commented on Rowan’s often funny expressions and on how judgmental and unimpressed she still seemed. I explained that she probably knew her mother was horrible and it made her hate me. Lyda detected my seriousness and said I should get some temporary help with the baby so I could get back on track.